i love accidental penises.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
