Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
