Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
