in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
