8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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