Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
