I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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