Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
