you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
