apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
