***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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