I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
