I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
