Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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