I accidentally had phone sex last night
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
