We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He did a backflip because drugs
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
