I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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