I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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