THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
