I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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