Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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