I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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