Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I will die if light touches me.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
