My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
