Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
