you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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