We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Too much gin, very little bucket
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
