NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
