Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
