I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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