i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
