so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I am full of burrito and curiosity
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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