People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Randomize
