I hate all girls vehemently.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
