I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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