My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
