the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize