My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
