are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
