i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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