Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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