shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
