roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
