U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
