The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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