your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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