awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
