I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
