Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
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