guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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