Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
