I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
