just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
