That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
