All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
