i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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