Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
